


I'm Fucked Up Just Like You Are

by trxtr



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Firefighters, Gay, Hurt Carlos Reyes, Hurt TK Strand, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Owen Strand is a Good Dad, Recreational Drug Use, Tarlos Week (9-1-1 Lone Star), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26722408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trxtr/pseuds/trxtr
Summary: It was a dark time, dreams plagued with explosions and bullets and amphetamines. Tk couldn't handle it, as much as he thought he could.TW: mentions of blood, explosions and drug use.Title from Sloppy Seconds by Watsky
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	I'm Fucked Up Just Like You Are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moviegeek03](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviegeek03/gifts).



> I'm still tagging my favorite writers of lone star for Tarlos week. This one goes out to moviegeek03, who, I distinctly remember, had me thinking about their story from update to update. I adore your work, and I hope you like mine.
> 
> Tarlos Week part 2: "Its okay to cry." +comfort.
> 
> Firefighter!Carlos AU
> 
> **  
> _I apologize for any mistakes; I am a very busy person and a lot of the time i don’t have time to edit and post in time. Thanks for understanding. I hope y'all enjoy._  
> **

For someone taking medical leave to get their health in order, the last thing Tk was, was healthy.

There had been another mishap at work, similar to the one that left him comatose for a week, but now Tk had more and more material fueling his nightmares. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it. It was so quick, for him. Locking eyes with his husband was followed by a blast, and white hot pain.

__

_"Strand, Reyes? Status." Tk heard his radio click to life, and he laughed a little, in an attempt to lighten the mood, though he could tell by the way Carlos's chapped lips were pressed together in concern, that Carlos found no humor in the situation._

_"Man down, Cap."_

_Tk let out an exasperated sigh when he looked at Carlos again. He didn't know how he was going to get out from the rubble and debris on top of him. Every breath was like fire, but Tk didn't really... feel them. He was more focused on the fear emanating from the figure ahead of him. That's what freaked him out. Both of them had medical experience, though Tk knew a little more. It was only because, after the first time that he had witnessed Tk nearly die on the job, he quickly determined he would want to be there if it ever happened again._

_So, basically, two and a half years ago, Carlos put down the blue, and picked up the black._

_He and Tk had been going steady, since, and Tk eventually manned up enough to marry him not even a week before this call._

_Without actual paramedics there, though, Tk knew he and Carlos were up a creek with at most, only half a paddle._

_"Why would you say that?" Tk grunted, wriggling under the rubble a little. He sucked in a deep breath, grimacing after a moment. "Shit," He hissed._

_"Thats why." Carlos gave him a look that Tk knew he had learned from his mother. It was the one she gave him when Tk was first taken to meet the Reyes family. Carlos had gone to the restroom, and without even saying anything, Tk became the victim of several verbal threats. She talked Tk up a fucking wall, and Tk sat there and took it with a tiny smile because he knew that every threat that left the older woman's mouth was lit of pure love and adoration for her son._

_"Don't give me that look."_

_"Who?" The radio managed to creak out again, waiting for a moment before Owen spoke again. "Reyes, do you Copy?"_

_"It's Tk, sir."_

_Tk whined again, managing to writhe around until his right arm was yanked out if the debris. He clicked the button on the radio, ready to put in his own two cents. "I'm good, Cap, maybe if Reyes would help me out I wouldn't be down for-" The room around them shook in instability, and Tk couldn't hold in the cry that escaped his dry throat. Nonetheless, he finished, "long."_

_Tk could tell that Carlos was considering yanking the radio from his husband's trembling fingers, and privately berating him, but he couldn't care less. He had a job to do, and he didn't understand why Carlos was being so much of a **fucking pussy** about it. He managed to yank his other arm out, and with that leverage, there was no stopping him, until Carlos hurriedly shoved his shoulders back to the ground. "Don't be stupid, T."_

_"I'm not being stupid, Carlos, let me-"_

_"You're bleeding, Babe."_

_Tk scrunched up his features in disbelief, but when Carlos carefully moved his hand away from Tk's collarbone and to the rather tender part of his abdomen, Tk sucked in a breath. He still didn't believe the other, until Carlos brought bloody fingers back up to Tk's field of vision. "Oh."_

_Carlos nodded, hastily wiping the blood on his uniform. His face seemed to be stuck in an ongoing wince. It was obvious on his features; his concern for the other, and his lack of feeling the extent of his injuries. He opened his mouth to speak, probably to explain the fact that Tk shouldn't move, which he was starting to understand, but Tk's eyes widened after a second, and there was a creaking behind them._

_And then it was just orange, and a weight was shoved on top of him when they both hit the ground._

__

That was two and a half months ago.

The 126... all of Austin thought they lost two firefighters in that explosion, but by some miracle, Tk and Carlos came out alive. 

Living through it wasn't the hard part.

It was the silent screaming that Tk heard, whizzing through his head, angrily shouting at the younger Strand that he was the reason Carlos was initially in the state he was. Carlos had managed to suffer third degree burns along his back when he there himself over his husband. That was... that was the worst of it. Carlos had broken his bones before, and he could deal with that, but he had to spend six weeks in the hospital, stuck laying on his stomach, eating through a feeding tube since he wasn't strong enough to hold himself up.

Honestly, though, Tk wound up in worse shape. In his eyes, a perforated spleen, second and third degree burns all over, several cracked ribs, and an absolutely crushed femur were nothing compared to his husband's pain.

Though, Carlos could have morphine.

Carlos got better a lot faster than Tk. Tk often found himself trying to keep up with the other, make him feel a little less guilty, but all it would result in was Carlos scolding him, telling him to get back in bed.

And he was in bed, now.

In bed with two oxys placed under his tongue. 

He had tears in his eyes for the five hundredth time in the last week. Carlos had gone back to work, and was checking in periodically checking in, along with his father. Tk made it a point to reply to every is angle text message he had received. Not all of them, were truthful. Most of them were completely lying about the amount of pain the young man was in. His leg was killing him, and though they were just scars, now, sometimes even stretching wrong could make Tk double over in stinging pain from the burns.

Non-opioids were just not working anymore.

So he made the nasty decision to take an oxycodone, prescribed to Carlos, and regretted it, immediately.

It was him shaking hands with his own murderer. It was him actually shoving himself back into the most toxic relationship he ever had. This wasn't what he needed. He need a distraction. That was it, but his distraction was across town, undoubtedly saving lives.

_Come save mine._

Tk let out a loud sob, his heart beginning to pound when he felt the realization sink in. He had just taken the one thing he swore never to take again, and he had done it willingly, because he was in _so much_ pain right now, and he couldn't be with who he loved. He couldn't be doing what he loved. He was stuck.

And, as if on cue, Tk heard the bedroom door open, and Carlos stepped in with an exhausted expression. He wasn't aware that Carlos had half the day off, since last time he checked, it was around two in the afternoon. The teary eyed boy looked at his husband in confusion. "You're home early."

Tk watched Carlos wipe his face, and he immediately felt guilty. It was obvious the Carlos was tired, and overworked, and most likely worried beyond all hell upon walking in on Tk with an open bottle next to him. Tk almost immediately wiped the tears, shoving the covers over the bottle in a swift motion. He was about to let out an explanation, but Carlos spoke first.

**_"You know it's okay to cry, Tk."_ **

Tk hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear that.

Because as soon as the words were uttered, and the mattress dipped to let him know that his husband had sat down next to him, Tk finally let himself go. He didn't really know how he got there, but Tk wound up sobbing into Carlos's chest, his shaky breaths painful in his chest. His body was on fire, but Carlos was there, and he was okay. Both of them were okay.

"It hurts so bad," Tk tried. He let his eyes meet up with the other's, almost feeling guilty, because he knew Carlos had gone through the same pain as him, and didn't take this fucking long to get better. What was wrong with him? How was he still in so much pain? Carlos was _there._ He took _third degree burns_ for him. Why was Tk always the fragile one? The one that needs help? That wasn't fair to his father. It wasn't fair to his husband, or his crew. He couldn't just get over himself, no matter how hard he tried. He wasn't trying to hurt himself, he was trying to stop himself from hurting.

"How many did you take, Tk?" Carlos asked, slightly worried, but the fact that the bottle still had most of its contents made him relax a little.

"I took- I took two, I- I can't do just one if I'm taking them for pain. I don't take them for pain, though. I shouldn't have taken them, I know, I know-"

"It's okay, Tk, alright? You weren't relapsing on purpose. This isn't what you think it is."

"I took oxy's, Carlos."

"Because you were in pain, Tk. I promise you, this isn't going to be an issue if we don't make it one. You don't deserve to blame yourself for trying to feel a little better when you're injured, okay? Lets just... Let's not do it again." Carlos gently placed his hand on the other's cheek, peppering kisses on his forehead, and Tk leaned in, unable to stop his crying.

They laid there for the following few hours, Carlos holding Tk to his chest, rubbing circles on his back. "You're okay." He continued to speak in sweet nothings, hoping his mantra of "I love you," would be enough to lull his anxious husband into a dreamless sleep. Eventually, it did.

"You dont understand how proud of you I am, Tk," Carlos muttered, holding Tk’s sleeping body to his neck, before closing his eyes as well.


End file.
